Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan are our relationship goal this year. They just shared their compelling story in a really captivating Ted Talk about queer love and marriage that you have to watch.
Tiq Milan has been a human rights advocate for over a decade, penning articles in publications like Rolling Stone, The New York Times and The Source to name a few. Recently married to Toronto based artist and educator Kim Katrin Milan, they speak together about creating love in queer communities of color and intersectional approaches to human rights activism in North America and abroad.
As children, neither of the couple envisioned ever being married. “Not really. I grew up with a single mother,” Katrin Milan told Next Magazine. “I didn’t see a lot of examples of functional, happy marriages. It was all the possibility that came from embracing myself as queer that showed me that marriage could be anything we wanted it to be.”
“My mother’s biggest concern when I transitioned was who is going to love me as I am,” Milan says in the Ted Talk. “Had being transgender precluded me from love and monogamy because I was supposedly born in the wrong body? But it is this type of structuring that has to be re-framed in order to let love in. My body never betrayed me and my body was never wrong. It’s this restrictive binary thinking on gender that said I didn’t exist. But when we met, she loved me for exactly how I showed up.”
“Kim said that my scars were reminders of my strength and everything I went through and are nothing I should be ashamed of,” Milan adds. “So sprinting towards her hand in marriage was the queerest thing I could do. It flew in the face of more conventional trajectories of love and relationship because God was never supposed to bless a union for folks like us and the law was never suppose to recognize it.”
“We are marginalized because of our identities but it also emboldens us to be the people that we are,” Katrin Milan continues. “Queerness is our major key. Blackness is our magic. It’s because of these things that we are able to be hopeful, open, receptive and shape shifting. These are things that give us and are such an incredible source of our strength.”